Roommates
by RiddletheSphinx
Summary: Scarecrow, Two-face, Riddler, and Joker are living togother read to find out what happens
1. Chapter 1

Crane(Scarecrow), Joker, Harvey Dent(Two Face), and Edward Nigma (Riddler) are all living together Don't ask questions I'm bored and hyped up on caffeine. It will be stupid, crazy, and ridicules. Don't judge me.

Joker, and Crane are watching and fighting over what to watch.

Joker: Why the hell should we watch Dr. Phil, Scarecrow?

Crane: Well, it's not as annoy as you laughing during Worlds worst disasters

Joker: It's hi-lar-io-us (Joker smiles weirdly at Crane)

Crane: You are sick and disturbed, you know that right clown-boy?

Joker: Yeah But you love me anyway

Crane: (mumbles) No I don't

( Joker hugs Crane)

Crane: Gah, get off me ( tries to shove Joker off himself)

Joker: Never! Your too up tight Johnny-boy, you need to pull that stick out of your ass

Crane: I'm quite happy having as you put it a stick up my ass Now let go

Joker: (thinks) Why should I Johnny boy?

Crane: Because, YOU'RE GETTING MAKEUP ALL OVER MY SUIT!

Joker: (Sing-song voice) That's not a good reason

( Harvey walks in, is greeted by the sight of Joker rubbing his face on Crane's suit with his arms around Crane)

Harvey: (raises an eyebrow) I thought Nigma was the gay one(thinks for a moment) All though I shouldn't be surprised, Joker does wear purple and your suits are really kind of gay, Crane

Crane: I AM NOT GAY! I wish people would stop assuming that. I have no interests in any kind of sex

Joker: Seriously? Dude that explains the stick up the ass ness

Harvey: We are not going on some wacky adventure to get Crane laid

Crane: Thank you now can you get this damn Clown off of me?

Harvey: No

Crane: Why The hell not?!

(Harvey shrugs) Riddler comes in with wet hair.

Riddler: I don't want to know do I?

Crane: He won't let go( tries to get free again)

Riddler: Why?

Joker: It annoys him

Crane: ( sarcastily) That's a great reason to do this

Joker: Isn't though( smiles)

Crane: It's a horrible reason for doing this, your acting like a six year old

Riddler: Maybe he is a six year old , did you ever think of that Smarty McSmartpants

Crane: Are you high?

Riddler: I might be or I might be drunk or I might be hung over. I don't really remember much form last night. I just woke up on the roof missing my pants( all stare at Riddler) What?

Harvey: That is beyond weird

Riddler: Like Those two aren't(points at Crane and Joker)

Crane bites Joker. Joker lets go of Crane. Crane falls off the couch.

Crane: Eeeeoche!

Joker laughs, Riddler giggles, Harvey smirks. Crane gives them all dirty looks.

Crane: I don't see what's so funny about my bruising my ass

Joker: Would have thought you'd be used to have your ass bruised

Crane: Will you stop it with the gay jokes, damn clown

Joker: It's not me it's the Crazy Author's fault

Me: (Waving foam sword) Will you idiots stop, breaking character and having minds of your own. It's annoying beyond belief. Now go back to being weird and insulting each other( walks away grumbling about stupid Batman villains)


	2. Chapter 2

This is the second instalment of Roommates. Enjoy.

Crane: *runs by Harvey and Riddler sitting on the couch* Stay away form me!

Joker: *follows holding a cattle prod* Come back Craneberry, it won't hurt *pause* Much Hahahahah

Harvey: Will you two idiots stop it!

Crane: He's going to kill me!

Riddler: He won't kill with that, just give you a life long fear of clowns, the color purple, and cattle prods

Crane: *runs by again* Help me!

Harvey: No this is better than TV

Joker: *shocks Crane's butt*

Crane: *jumps in the air* eeeeeecoh , that hurt! You are such a jackass. Why must you abuse my ass so?

Joker: Because you're an arrogant ass and it's fun

Riddler: You two are so beyond the realm of gay I don't know where you are

Crane: The same place you and Harvey are

Harvey: *un-brunt eye twitches* What did you say?!

Crane: And that's my cue to run away

Harvey: *stands up* *holds out hand* Joker. Cattle prod. Now

Joker: No body bosses me around

Riddler:*cough* Batman *cough*

Joker: *glares* Excuse me I need to pound Eddy into a jelly, gross, bloody paste *looks at watch* I'll give you a 60 second head start

Riddler: *runs away*

Joker: 1, 2, 3, 8, 12, 21, 60. Oh well I always did suck at math * runs after Riddler with a bat that just magical appeared*

Crane: I'm going to run away now *runs away in the other direction*

Harvey: *sits down* Finally time to watch TV alone


	3. Chapter 3

Crane: It's your fault were in here

Joker: How so?

Crane: It was your idea to try and destroy the Bat signal WHICH IS ON TOP OF THE POLICE STATION!

Joker: Don't worry Eddy and Bacon-face will break us out

Crane: Their probably back at the hideout screwing

Joker: You really think so?

Crane: I try not to think about stuff like that to offend

Joker: Offend? So you think about it sometimes?

Crane: No! I never think about at least I didn't until I started living with you idiots!

Joker: You are too tense Scary

Batman: *walks in the room*

Joker: Batsey!

Crane; Get me out of here please!

Batman: Where's Two face and Riddler?

Joker: Back at the hideout screwing

Crane: If I could slap you without fear of death I would

Batman: O.o

*Kyla's shoes: *enter the room* Hey Bat-jerk stop interrogating my clients*hopes on table*

Crane: Our lawyer's a pair of shoes

Kyla's shoes: A teenaged girl's shoes, and I'm smarter then you and Oboma!

Joker: Awesome! Wait am I high?

Crane: I might be

Batman: I pretty sure all of us are

Kyla's shoes: You're not high you idiots I real! I think I'm not sure *poof away*

Crane: What the hell?

Author: Great you made the shoes go away!

Crane: Your evil you know that right?

Author: Of course I do!

Joker: I'm walkin' on sunshine ohwoo

Batman: I'm leaving *leaves room*

Crane: You scared Batman away

Joker: No you did

Crane: No you did

Joker: No you did

Crane: No you did

Joker: No you did

Crane: No you did

Author: *slaps both* If you two don't stop this I will turn this into a porn story! A gay porn story! Do you understand?

Crane & Joker: Yes ma'am

Author: Good * Poofs away*

Crane: She may be scarier then you

Joker: May be? She most defiantly is

Crane: We're going back to Arkum

Joker: Maybe we'll be cell mates

Crane: Dear lord I hope not

Joker: Do you really hate me that much?

Crane: Yes no maybe? I don't know leave me alone *slams head on table*

Joker: Maybe? *sing song voice* Jonny doesn't hate me, Jonny doesn't hate me, Jonny doesn't hate me, Jonny doesn't hate me

Other side of glass

Gordon: So they freaked you out so much that you left?

Batman: Them, The author and the lawyer shoes, yes

Gordon: You suck

Batman: That was uncalled for

Batgirl: I thought it was funny

Batman: Go away!

Batgirl: Fine, be that way *stomps away*

Batman: That's your daughter you know that right?

Gordon: What are you talking about?

Batman: Never mind

Back at the hideout

*Harvey and Riddler are in bed*

Harvey: We never tell those two about this agreed?

Riddler: Agreed. Want to go again?

Harvey: What the hell

Author's note: Yeah I made Harvey and Eddy gay and together yeah

*OK, Kyla is my friend, and well she told me she think's with her mind and then I said most people think with their minds. Then she said she thought with her shoes and that they are smarter then me and Oboma


	4. GROUP THERAPY!

A/N: OH MY GOAT! I'm updating it's a miracle!

Crane and Joker have been sent to Arkkum, oh noes how will they get out… They probably won't.

Crane: This is your fault *glares*

Joker: *in a straight jacket* So you continue to tell me

Crane: Well it is

Joker: Hey, Johnny can you help me out here? *struggles*

Crane: Why so you can hug me again? No thank you

Joker: I won't hug you scout's honour

Crane: Were you ever a scout?

*Outside the cell*

Dr. Q: I know what they need… GROUP THERAPY!

*Inside the cell*

Crane: Did you just hear a female voice scream group therapy?

Joker: Yes, I'm scared

Crane: Me too, clown boy, Me too

*Group therapy room*

*Crane, Joker, Catwoman, Penguin, Ragdoll, Mr. Freeze all sitting in a circle*

Joker: I hate her

Crane: Your not the only one

Catwoman: Where's the doc?

Ragdoll: The moon, kitten

Penguin: Hate who?

Crane & Joker: The authoress

All (-Crane & Joker): Who?

Crane: Never mind *rolls eyes*

Mr Freeze: Why do these doctors think that group therapy solves everything?

Joker: Because their off their rockers?

*door opens*

Blackdiamond: *walks in* *wearing a black suit with green tank top and doctor coat* Ok, I'm Dr. Diamond

Joker & Crane: You!

Blackdiamond: Ah, yeah

Crane: Please tell me you're not here to make good on that threat

Blackdiamond: You mean the gay porn one? No I'm not the readers got enough of that in the last chapter

All(-Blackdiamond): Huh?

Blackdiamond: Ask Eddy and Harv next time you see 'em

Joker: Bad thoughts, bad thoughts!

Catwoman: That's kind of hot

Ragdoll: It's not like you couldn't see it coming

Crane: I was right

Blackdiamond: Now I didn't kill a doctor just to listen to you idoits whine about this

Joker: Then why did you?

Blackdiamond: God damn it I don't remember

Crane: Great our destiny is controlled by an idiot

Blackdiamond: No ya see I'm a slash and odd pairings fan

Mr. Freeze: I really don't like the sound of that

Joker: Me either

Batman: *swings in form no where* Blackdiamond!

Blackdiamond; Yesss?

Batman: I'm here to arrest you

Blackdiamond: For what?

Batman: For killing two doctors, three interns and for blowing up the my TUMBLER!

Blackdiamond: First it's a batmobile, second those interns got what was coming to them fourth--

Ragdoll: You skipped third

Blackdiamond: Maybe I don't like the number three

Joker: Makes sense to me

Batman: The hell with this I'm goddamn Batman I don't have to up with shit

Crane: Batman just swore. It's the end of de world!

A/N: Wow that made no sense I don't think it was really funny well what ever, Batman swearing = End of de world


	5. Chapter 5

(Joker and Crane are in the cell, with a new cell mate, who? You'll see...)

Joker: I can't believe they gave as new cell mate

Crane: I can't believe they let you out of the straight jacket

Catwoman: I can't believe I'm in here with you idiots

Crane: Hey! I'm the smart one here!

Joker: If you were you would have gotten away!

Crane: I know that! The cops are fast!

Catwoman: Will you two stop screaming and make up already!

Crane: What?!

Joker: She said --

Crane: I know what she said!

Joker: So why did you ask?

Crane: **Eye twitches **

Joker: Oooo, Scarey's mad

Scarecrow: You are insane!

Catwoman: That doesn't sound like Crane

Joker: It's not, it's Scareycrow!

Scarecrow: Of course, I am

Catwoman: Crane has other personality?

J & S: Yep

Catwoman: That's not creepy at all

Scarecrow: So says the woman that's in love with a gay man that dresses up like a bat

Catwoman: Batman is not gay!

Joker: No, he is

Scarecrow: He is very gay, I think gayer than Joker

Joker: But he's not as gay as you

Scarecrow: I'M NOT GAY!

Catwoman: Me thinks thou does protest to much

Crane: Shut up

Joker: Johnny's back! * hugs Crane *

Crane: Get off me!

Joker: Why?

Crane: We are not doing this again!

Catwoman: Yeah, you two aren't gay at all * rolls eyes *

Crane: I AM NOT GAY!

Dr. Diamond : * outside * Sure you aren't

Crane: You!

Dr. Diamond: Me

Joker: Whathca want?

Dr. Diamond: Nothing

Catwoman: So why are you here?

Dr. Diamond: To do this * opens door *

Catwoman: * pulled out *

Batman: * throw in * What the hell?

Joker: Batsy swore!

Crane: OMG ! Wait did I just say OMG?

Dr. Diamond: Oh my goat? Yes

Batman: Oh my goat...

Dr. Diamond: Yep

Joker: That is messed up on many, many levels

Crane: And when Joker says that, you know somethings messed up

Batman: True

Dr. Diamond: Whatever good bye, jackasses * closes door *

Crane: So, she destroyed your Batmoblie huh?

Batman: If you mean the tumbler then yes that psycho did

Joker: Sounds like my kind of woman

Crane: I thought you were gay

Joker: I am, I meant for a partner in crime

Crane: Oh that makes sense

Super Danny: Did someone say crime?!

z

Batman: No and are you wearing a bed sheet?

Super Danny: Maybe!

Joker: That means yes

Super Danny: Good bye good citizens! * flies away *

Batman: OK what the hell? How the fuck did he fly away?! We're inside!

Joker: Batman swore again * slaps his cheeks *

Crane: Twice!

Joker: It's the end of the world!

Batman: I hate you both

Crane: Yeah well I'm not fond of you either, Joker on the other hand...

Joker: Now just what are you implicating? * puts hands on hips *

Crane: * face palm * * mumbles * And people call me feminine. I'm saying THAT YOU ARE GAY FOR BATMAN!

Batman: That is, I just don't know

Ron: Wrong-sick?

Batman: Yes, thank you ... wait where did...

Ron: * gone *

Batman: When did the world go insane?

Crane: At 9 : 17 , Tuesday July seventh

Batman: Good to know

Joker: I wonder what Harv and Eddy doing?

Crane: Each other

•

*Back at the hideout *

•

Eddy: * sitting on the couch* There's nothing on TV

•

Harvey: * Beside Eddy * That's because TV sucks

Eddy: Yep

Harvey: Think we should make a plan to break Clown boy and Crane out?

Eddy: Probably

Harvey: We're going to are we?

Eddy: Nope

*Back at Arkkum *

Crane: You suck

Joker: You suck

Crane: You suck

Joker: You suck

Crane: You suck

Joker: You suck

Batman: You both suck! Now shut up!

Crane: Batman's an ass

Joker: He is!

Batman: * face palms *

A/N: Yeah I'm mean to Batsy and everyone else, well not Eddy and Harvey, they seem pretty happy


	6. Chapter 6

Joker: (wearing Crane's pants on his head)

Crane: (wearing Joker's pants on his head)

Batman: I going to hate myself for asking this, but why ?

Joker: Why what?

Batman: Why. Are. You. Wearing. Pants. On. Your. Heads?

Crane: We are pants nuns

Batman: What the hell?

Joker: Ohmygod, Batesy said a swear! *hits Batman with a ruler*

Batman: Where did you get that?!

Crane: Hammer space

Batman: Why do I even bother…?

Crane: Muffins? (holds up tray of muffins)

Joker: I don't trust anything that comes for you

Batman: I hate to say this but I agree with the clown

Dr. Diamond: Batman agreeing with the Joker?…The world is definitely coming to an end…

Crane: OMG! She's right!

Dr. D: Stop speaking in chat speak!

Old lady: If you want your villains to stop speaking in chat speak stop cooking with cheese!

Joker: Is there like a rip in the space time continuum or something?

Dr. D: NO! Now stop trying to be smart *hits Joker*

Joker: Oww!

Batman: Wimp

Joker: *punches Batman in the face*

A/N: The sad part about this is that I actutly did the pants nun thing once with my cat.


	7. Chapter 7

Dr. Diamond: *looks in cell* Guess whattttttttttt………………?

Batman: Oh crap she's back

Crane: Guessing games are more Riddler's thing

Joker: *excited* WHAT?!

Crane: I think you just blew one of my ear drums out

Dr. Diamond: Wimp

Batman: *sighs* Didn't you have something to tell us?

Dr. Diamond: I was going to but…I don't think I will now *crosses arms*

Random Intern: Has anyone seen my sandwich?

Joker: Heh, You see one sandwich, you've seen 'em all *shrugs*

Dr. Diamond: Flee Random Intern! Flee!

Random Intern: That's not my--

Dr. Diamond: *holds hand up* Don't care. Now Leave

Random Intern: Bu--

Dr. Diamond: LEAVE!

Random Intern: Ok *runs away*

Crane: Didn't you come by for a reason?

Dr. Diamond: Probably *takes a bite out of a sandwich*

Batman: That's Random Intern's sandwich isn't it?

Joker: You don't know that

Dr. Diamond: *runs away*

Crane: She's gone

Batman: This means we'll probably never know what she wanted

Crane: Do you really think we want to know what she wanted

Joker: But it might have involved cookies! Cookies! Crane, COOKIES!

Crane: Joker calm down

Joker: BUT THE COOKIES!

Crane: WE DON"T EVEN KNOW IF IT WAS ABOUT COOKIES!

Two-face: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!

Riddler: Lovely weather we're having hmm?

Batman: Yep, no clouds

Joker: Wait where did you two come--

Ninja: *sneaks by*

Two-face: Who was that guy?

Crane: I don't know but he doesn't work here

Joker: This has happened before, we should leave the building

A/n: The whole last joke I stole form How I met Your Mother


	8. Chapter 8

*TV studio*

Crane: Does anyone remember how we got here?

Joker: I don't remember five minutes ago

Batman: This will not end well

Two-face: Thank you Capt. Obvious 

Riddler: Well Dr--

**Joker: *puts hand over Riddler's mouth* Shhh, don't say her name**

**Two-face: Why not?**

**Joker: It will summon her**

**Batman: You are bat shit insane you know that?**

**Diamond: Of course he is, he's the Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime, the Harlequin of Hate, The Purple Pimp suit man--**

**All(-Diamond): Purple Pimp Suit man? **

**Diamond: Did I say that out loud?**

**Random Intern: Give me back my sandwich, you fraud!**

**Diamond: Gotta go *leaves*Random Intern: *chases her***

**Two-face: Does that Intern have a name?**

**Crane: Yes it's--**

**Riddler: *whacks Crane* The whole point of the Intern is that he's the random Intern you can't tell the readers his name**

**Norman: Why must you five break the fourth so much?**

**Joker: Why must you be British?**

**Norman: Well played clown well played**

**Toxic: Norman, whatca doing?**

**Norman: Nothing**

**Robin: You two aren't supposed to be in here**

**Norman: You aren't either Robin: Well played duck well played**

**Batman: Do either of you three know why we're here?**

**Robin: That would involve understanding Diamond**

**Crane: That's a no then **


End file.
